I was packing for a 10 day trip for work without my family, which at first glance sounds a little like a dream vacation. Only packing for yourself, sitting on an airplane flight alone and only worrying about myself (maybe even actually enjoying a movie or coffee), having time to myself for a few days, but in reality I was stressed, feeling guilty and wishing I didn’t have to leave at all. I have traveled off and on for a number of years for work, but this is by far the longest trip away since having kids and I was feeling a little overwhelmed with not only getting myself packed but also making sure my family was taken care of while I was gone. There is the food, the school project, valentines parties, laundry and a birthday party all I was going to be gone.
There are so many articles available about stress management, but many of them focus on alleviating stress which may or may not be realistic. February is National Heart Month so I thought it only fitting that I mention stress and what us moms can do to change our response to stress instead of trying to alleviate it. Most moms worry about everything and even though the men in our life are more than capable of managing, we believe that they just won’t be able to handle it all, mainly because it isn’t how we would have done it. My husband is amazing, but I know that his definition of dinner is hot dogs and mac and cheese (no vegetables) and for 10 days I can’t stand it 🙂 so instead I create a bunch of extra work to make sure my family is well fed while I am gone and that every school need is taken care of. Is this all self-inflicted, yes, but I am always going to feel the need to make sure my family is set up for my absence (even if unwarranted) and in a weird way maybe it is how I feel less guilt for being gone in the first place. So for me and many other moms, the focus should be, how do I minimize my reaction to the stress and make sure the stressful feeling is fleeting and not an everyday occurrence.
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Our bodies are incredible, we have a built in stress response called the “fight or flight” system. This system works perfectly when we are in real danger (think back in the day when you had to run away from the bear you were hunting) or if you are walking across the street and the driver coming at you is on their phone with no idea you are there. What do you feel? Your breathing quickens, your heart rate speeds up, you may feel a little sweaty or clammy and that response gets you out of harms way. These are all natural physiological responses to real stress. The problem is that over the years that built in system has gotten a little frazzled. The brain doesn’t determine whether a response is real or not, so you can be sitting in a chair with no imminent danger and you can still be experiencing all the same feelings. This is where problems can occur. If we are constantly in a state of perceived stress the burden on our body can have lasting effects including: depression, digestive issues, headaches, heart disease, weight gain and memory and concentration problems.
Going back to my travel example, I was feeling it all. Anxiety, irritability, increased heart rate and blood pressure, interrupted sleep and a feeling of overwhelm. I know that the tasks still loomed because I WANT to do them (that is my conscious choice) but what can I do so that I don’t feel the toll on my body. While my tips are related to my travel, they can be applied to anything in your life. Career, daily life, social function, travel, etc.
- Plan Ahead – what day is the big event, work presentation, school activity occur? Work your way backwards, can you plan to do a little bit of whatever you need to do ahead of time and break the task into manageable steps? Procrastination is the root of stress in a lot of cases and the I will do it tomorrow mentality will almost certainly leave you feeling anxious and irritable.
- Be Realistic – ok so you have a long list of things to do. Prioritize them and do those things you feel are most important. I had to give up getting all the laundry done and cleaning bathrooms (I have this weird thing about leaving with a clean house). My husband and kids don’t care and I figured they could do a few loads of laundry.
- Leave it – when you feel you are getting that, “I am am about two steps away from losing my shit,” leave the situation task, meeting and do something else. When I say something else, I mean deep breathing, go for a walk, play with your kids. Even just a few moments of decompression can help divert your stress response. Whatever is so far from what you were doing that it completely resets your brain and body.
- Find shortcuts – If you are already making a meal for dinner, make a bit extra and freeze it for a busy night or in my case while I was gone. Doing this for a few nights over a week or two can build up a nice reserve of healthy meals in the freezer. Who doesn’t love that? Ask friends for help or pay someone to help you (cleaning lady, take-out, etc)
- Get better sleep – sleep and stress….WHAAAAT?! I know they don’t go together, but hear me out. A preschool teacher shared a tip with me as it related to my son who worries. She said that when her daughter was young they created a worry box and each night she and her daughter would write down any worries she had and put it in the box. The idea was that the worry was there and off her daughters brain and she didn’t need to think on it anymore. Not only does this work extremely well with children, it is also perfect for all us moms who get into bed only to have our brains then continue to run through all the things we have to get done. Keep a notebook by your bed and each night write down anything you still need to finish or anything that is weighing on you. Know that all those thoughts are safe in the notebook, not to be forgotten or stewed about while you sleep. I have tried this a number of times and it has helped me immensely.
Challenge:
- This week, identify something stressful in your life. Take a step back and analyze what is causing you stress. Can you use one of the above tips to help not get rid of the stress but to make it more manageable and start to change your response to whatever it is? Write down your struggle and then make a list of all the ways you could handle that stress in a way that is different from your normal response. You will be uncomfortable and it will feel hard to make the change but you can do it and your body will thank you! You got this!!
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